Three years after starting the project to write my book on the voices of adopted youth (see my blog on September 26, 2017), I am so pleased to announce mission accomplished!  23: Voices of Adopted Youth is complete and available in print and as an e-reader!  I am so very grateful for all 23 of the youth who gave their valuable time to help make this book possible.  Click here for more details.

Continue reading ...

I can see that I'm definitely slowing down in my blog posts. I'm busy these days and writing here is usually not on my mind. However, when something significant happens in the adoption field, I like to share my thoughts. Reading this past weekend Globe and Mail, I came across this announcement from the province of New Brunswick: On April 1, 2018, Birth Records Related To An Adoption Are Being Opened in New Brunswick. No doubt, I was very happy to read this, but that feeling was truly through ...
Continue reading ...

It may have taken 16 years, but I finally feel the urge to write another book. Since Rosie continues to happily make her way into the hands of many children, I felt I should honour her for her tenacity, longevity, and stick to it-ness. Technically she should be 23 years old, right? Well, she was 7 in 2001 and so...she has to be 23 in 2017.  As a 23 year old, Rosie probably has some great insight to share with the world about her adoption experience. So, it makes perfect sense that my next boo...
Continue reading ...

When your child's behaviour is difficult, can you hear yourself saying things like "he's doing that on purpose, you know, to push my buttons" or maybe you refer to your child as manipulative or controlling. I know you love your kids and desperately want to feel you're in control and know what’s going on but... holy smokes people; are you serious? Why are you giving a child so much credit? To presume that a child is in control of their behaviour when we, the adults, often aren't, is a wee bi...

Continue reading ...

I’ve heard it many times. Does this system really work? Will we really be able to adopt? I'm often told stories about people who wanted to adopt but it never happened. So, is there truth to these fearful questions? Yes there is…for some.  But to understand this, we must take a look at the family’s requirements for a child.  Are they asking for a child up to 3 without any potential for health or developmental concerns?  Those two parameters alone - age and development- often do not sync ...

Continue reading ...

Continue reading ...

Kudos for the production of the new film Philomena. Needless to say, with Judi Dench and Steve Coogan in lead roles, the film is tremendous. But my attention went beyond the spectacular performances and more so to the poignant and accurate depiction of a birth mother's deep grief regarding the 'loss' of her child.

Anyone who wants to see just a great film should see Philomena. Anyone who is interested in knowing just a bit more about the emotional aspects of adoption should see Philomena. Any...
Continue reading ...

I thought I would write this during the holidays, but...you know.

Now that I’m back to work, I find myself re-immersed in the passionate world of adoption and getting to tasks that I left behind. Thus, this little blurb. Over the last few weeks, I have been haunted by a recurring theme: All children need a family. Of course, in theory, everyone knows that. But, in reality, what I most commonly hear is "We want to adopt a child under 2." It's not that I don't understand that desire. Why wou...

Continue reading ...

In Heather's Forbe's most recent e-newsletter (October 11, 2013), she reminds us that "It is not up to us to make our children better [because] the reality is that we cannot change or fix another person." Instead, she tells us what we can do. "We can surround them with support; we can love them unconditionally, free of judgment or control; we can set appropriate boundaries, and we can align with their pain." She tells us that if we do that, we are doing everything we can for our children and ...
Continue reading ...

"The saddest day of my life was the happiest day of your life", wrote Ottawa social worker, Carol Shipley, in her book, Love, Loss, and Longing: Stories of Adoption, quoting her birth mother upon meeting Carol's adoptive mother. 

No doubt, adoption brings a complexity to one's psyche that otherwise may not exist if a different choice was made. But who would argue with the plan to have a family raise a child with all the necessary aspects of life - stability, consistency, structure, and love - ...
Continue reading ...

As I was packing an order of Rosie’s Family, An Adoption Story, this morning, I paused to reflect on how different my adoption practice was back in 2001 when I wrote this book.  Back then, a significant proportion, if not the majority, of people that I prepared for adoption, successfully adopted internationally.  While China, with its one child policy and open doors to international adoption, was at the forefront of the destinations that my clients chose, other Asian countries, such as Viet...

Continue reading ...

Continue reading ...

Is it true? If so, what are the implications with the many children born with HIV around the world? This is definitely encouraging for the children, the communities they are born into, and the families who may be adopting them. Take a look: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/04/health/for-first-time-baby-cured-of-hiv-doctors-say.html?src=me&ref=general&_r=0
Continue reading ...

What's the first feeling that comes to you when you read this title? Disgust, horror, fear, anger, sympathy? Perhaps all of those. What do we make of this situation? Let's get the first part out of the way. The parent, likely a full grown adult, intentionally brings physical harm to a little child. We can all agree that is just not acceptable. Now, let's get on to the fact that the child was adopted. Yes, this fact does make this situation seem even more reprehensible. Why? Well, for starters...
Continue reading ...

Last week, I had the honour of participating in a wonderful experience.  As the counsellor to a lovely birth mother, who had chosen to place her newborn child for adoption, I was able to witness an abundance of love bestowed upon the central player in the adoption circle; the child. This love was shared and shown by the birth mother and the adoptive parents. How do I know that? When I see a birth mother expressing her newly created colostrum and giving the bottle to the adoptive parents to fe...
Continue reading ...

A little harsh perhaps? Well, these aren't my words, but the words of thousands of people marching through Moscow streets, protesting Russia's new law banning Americans from adopting Russian children. Why would they do this? In retaliation for a new U.S. law targeting Russians accused of human rights abuses. So, can you blame the protesters for their choice of vocabulary? I mean, victimizing children to make a political point? What is going on? How is this ok? 

This isn't a space to vent about...
Continue reading ...

Do you ever feel that there is stuff going on that you know nothing about? That you live in a little bubble that does not permeate into the rest of the world? Yet, every so often, your bubble collides with that other stuff to make you think "Wow, I didn't know that was going on."  Enough already, you may be thinking or saying. What is she talking about? 

In the world of private adoption, where I sit every day, I have the opportunity to meet with many wonderful parents or parents-to-be, who are...
Continue reading ...

Kudos to Family and Children's Services of Waterloo region for this outstanding video on adopting children:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnkOl8iSY1k. The timing is fantastic considering November is Adoption Awareness month. Awareness is the key word in that sentence. 

How did it come to be that many people share a generally agreed upon perception that older children are 'damaged goods' and therefore unadoptable? (By older, let's say more than three). Was it a Hollywood movie, a newspaper arti...
Continue reading ...

Adoption is not the ideal situation for any child, but it can be good...really good. But just because something is good doesn't mean there aren't some aspects that don't feel so good. Rejection doesn't feel good. Abandonment doesn't feel good. Not knowing who you came from doesn't feel good. But this IS the reality for so many adopted children. Especially children adopted internationally.

So, what to do? Just give up on the whole idea of adoption? Is it really not a good idea after all? No, I'...
Continue reading ...

Who says: "The older the wiser"? I may be wrong, but lately, the number of acts of kindness I have been seeing from children far outweighs what I've been seeing from adults. In fact, I think the saying should be: "The older the more self indulgent". But, that's another topic all together. Ok, now I have a whole bunch of enemies I didn't have before writing this! But wait, stay with me on this. I'm not just getting down on us older folks for no reason. Honestly, there is reason. There is purpo...
Continue reading ...

Saturday, September 29, was a spectacular day. It was the Adoption Council of Canada's 4th annual Adoptwalk. Teaming up with The Children's Bridge Foundation, representatives from both agencies did a fantastic job in providing a fun filled day that raised funds for essential programs to aid children in care. 

Being there myself, I can attest to the direct relationship between the warming sun and the smiles on children's faces. At the registration table, I greeted the eager families who were ex...
Continue reading ...

Is a blog a space for one to vent about whatever is the "bugging me" issue of the day? Or, is it a public venue that encourages free thought, which can be used to inform, encourage, and inspire others? Being a democratic, liberal minded urban dweller in a conservative, public service dominated city of a privileged country, I am choosing to be absolutely politically correct in my response to that question. It is both. And thus, I begin my rant.

I have been wondering for a long time (a.k.a. one ...
Continue reading ...

You adopted your child as an infant from a country on the other side of the world and brought her to Canada. You raised your child here; she is fluent in English and has some French, she plays hockey, uses the occasional 'eh' in her speech and adores Tim Horton's hot chocolate. She has a solid relationship with you and all other family members. She knows she's loved and has been raised with respect, openness, and affection.  Sounds like a good recipe for a comfortable sense of self, right? No...
Continue reading ...

How awful I felt when learning about the "conspiracy of coerced and forced adoptions" in the '60's as reported in the Ottawa Citizen on June 10; 
 http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/Victims+Baby+Scoop+speak/6758177/story.html.  Apparently, the choice of the day for pregnant teenagers, by those in control, was to force these mothers to "give away their babies" without being shown any other options. Heartless and punitive tactics from tying the mothers to their beds to suffer labour alone to den...
Continue reading ...

Go, McGuinty, Go!!!
The new Ontario adoption subsidy is certainly welcome news.   Check it out at: http://news.ontario.ca/mcys/en/2012/06/helping-kids-in-care-find-permanent-homes.html. Starting June 15, Ontario will provide financial subsidies to eligible parents who adopt or take legal custody of Crown wards 10 years of age and over, or siblings. The hope is that this will directly result in finding more permanent homes for children and youth in the care of Children's Aid Societies across th...
Continue reading ...

In looking at the factors that protect young people from eating disorders and ideas of suicide, Dr. Martine Flament, director of the Youth Research Unit at the Royal Ottawa Hospital Health Care Group, says it is not the adverse situations that happen to children, but rather, the coping strategies they use to face everyday setback and traumatic events that makes all the difference. She reports that self esteem is the basis for developing healthy coping strategies. To build self esteem, childre...
Continue reading ...

Your child's not sleeping well, you find yourself alone more than you've ever been, and you wonder if your presence in your child's life is more of a curse than a blessing. Be honest, people. Who hasn't experienced at least one of these conditions? Exhaustion, isolation, and self doubt are the accepted tenets of early parenthood, are they not? Note: I didn't say early biological parenthood. Why would these conditions apply only to those parents who gave birth to their child?  Is it possible t...
Continue reading ...

What do birth fathers want?  Are their children important to them? Do they want to stay in contact with their birth children after they make a decision to place them for adoption? Do they think about their birth children after they've been adopted?

These questions are often assumed to be "nothing, no, no, and no."  But where is this information coming from? There are a lot of stereotypes floating around about birth fathers and most commonly, how minimally they participate in an adoption plan w...
Continue reading ...

Happy New Year Everyone! 
Sorry, it's a tad late, but the year has started off quite busy for us here at The Adoption Source. So much to do, so much to do! But, never too busy to let everyone know about an interesting adoption resource. The Ontario Today program on January 10 is just that. You can listen to several people present their adoption stories at http://www.cbc.ca/ontariotoday/2012/01/10/tuesday-adoption-stories/. While there, take a look at the comment made on January 10. It's brilli...
Continue reading ...

During the holiday season, it's so easy to overlook the greatest gifts of all. The ones that can't be bought because they don't have a price. The ones that strike us in such a deep place that there is no option but to respond with tears. I read of such a gift on Dec. 22 when the Ottawa Citizen published this article on a family receiving their child:  http://www.ottawacitizen.com/life/holiday-guide-2011/Gift+parenthood+still+leaves+tongue+tied/5896268/story.html.
I know you're gulping right no...
Continue reading ...

In 1992, when I started out in this business, adoptive parents in Canada were entitled to 10 weeks of employment insurance. There was a little known, and definitely not advertised, additional benefit for another five weeks if adoptive parents could prove their child had “special needs”. The acceptable proof was usually a document from the adoption agency stating that the child had been living in an orphanage overseas and as a consequence could face attachment challenges once adopted.

 

But ...

Continue reading ...